In demanding workplaces, distress is often hidden. People keep performing until they cannot. This article explains why distress is masked, the signs leaders can notice, how to ask, and what not to say.
Why distress stays hidden
In high-pressure environments, people often believe that showing strain will be seen as weakness, damage their career, or burden colleagues who are also stretched. In some cultures, teams and professions, coping quietly is expected. Many people also do not recognise their own distress until it is significant.
The result is that leaders often learn someone is struggling only when it becomes a crisis: a resignation, extended leave, a serious error or a breakdown in a relationship.
Waiting to be told is not enough. Under WHS laws, employers must manage psychosocial hazards proactively. That includes noticing early signs and responding well.
Signs that someone may be struggling
No single sign proves distress, but changes from someone's usual pattern are worth noticing:
- withdrawing from conversations, meetings or social contact
- working much longer hours, or appearing to work constantly
- uncharacteristic irritability, tearfulness or flatness
- more mistakes, missed deadlines or difficulty concentrating
- changes in appearance, energy or punctuality
- increased absence, or never taking leave
- cynicism or comments such as "it doesn't matter anyway"
Some people mask distress very effectively. High performers, people in senior roles and people who are used to supporting others may show few outward signs.
Ask, don't wait
The most important step is simply to ask, privately and with genuine care. For example:
- "I've noticed you seem a bit stretched lately. How are you going?"
- "How's your workload at the moment, honestly?"
- "Is there anything at work making things harder right now?"
Then listen. You do not need to fix everything or have the right answer. Your role is to notice, ask, listen and help the person access support. Our article on individual strategies for responding to workplace stress offers further guidance for individuals.
What not to say
Well-meant phrases can shut a conversation down:
- "Everyone is under pressure." This minimises the person's experience and signals that speaking up is pointless.
- "You just need to be more resilient." This places the problem on the person rather than the work.
- "I'm sure it'll settle down." This may be true, but it closes the conversation.
- "I know exactly how you feel." Even if you have had a similar experience, it shifts the focus to you.
Look at the work, not just the person
When someone is struggling, it is tempting to focus only on individual support such as an employee assistance program. That support matters, but it is not enough. Ask what in the work may be contributing: workload, unclear priorities, conflict, lack of control, exposure to distressing material or poor support. The leader's role is to own the design of the work, not the person's coping.
This shift from individual coping to managing the conditions of work is at the heart of mentally healthy workplaces and our view that psychosocial safety is a governance problem, not a wellbeing one.
Look after yourself too
Supporting a distressed colleague can be demanding. Leaders should know where to seek advice, respect privacy, and recognise when a situation needs specialist help. If there is an immediate risk to someone's safety, contact emergency services.
The bottom line
In demanding environments, waiting for people to speak up means waiting too long. Leaders who notice, ask and act on the conditions of work help prevent harm before it escalates.
Explore our psychosocial hazards training, Mentally Healthy Workplaces program, or contact us.